stories

Mar 23, 2009

“Your first edition of Twilight gave me a paper cut!” “Yeah, it does that to everyone sooner or later.”

Tony Noland @TonyNoland

May 28, 2009

“Does everyone in your family have blond hair and blue eyes?” “Yes, it’s a strong family resemblance.” “Do they all have tails, too?”

Tony Noland @TonyNoland

Jul 25, 2009

“Don’t worry about it, you’re safe. Satan only shows up if you invoke his name three times in a single conversation. It’s a pagerank thing.”

Tony Noland @TonyNoland

Aug 28, 2009

Dr. Weilhelm’s biggest disappointment was that his antimatter annihilation ray found its widest use as a replacement for the leaf blower.

Tony Noland @TonyNoland

Oct 25, 2009

The pumpkins have swelled monstrously, calling, calling to me. Come Halloween, I will open their eyes for them. Perhaps they will spare me.

Tony Noland @TonyNoland

Dec 25, 2009

Uncle Ron thought he was funny, giving Tommy some batteries as a gag gift. Tommy regifted them right back: first the lead, then the acid.

Tony Noland @TonyNoland

Dec 25, 2009

The wooden blocks Anna got for Christmas were infested with tiny blue ants. They stung her, and she heard them sing in their native Chinese.

Tony Noland @TonyNoland

Dec 26, 2009

Kelly died again, was respawned. The blood made the controller’s buttons slippery, but at least now Robby couldn’t hog the new X-Box.

Tony Noland @TonyNoland

Mar 15, 2010

Richard set the time machine for Rome, March 1, 44 BCE. “A simple warning to beware the Ides of March should do it, if Julius will listen.”

Tony Noland @TonyNoland